How to Align With Your Goals (and Stop Getting Derailed)

Getting derailed from your goals isn't a discipline problem — it's a congruence problem.

 In this episode, Shanon breaks down her 5-step ALIGN framework (Anchor, Listen, Intention, Ground, Navigate) to help you uncover the subconscious blocks and nervous system patterns that keep knocking you off track — and how to get back on faster every time. 

Plus a simple homework practice to start this week. 🔥

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Hello, hello, Firefam. Today's topic is about how to align with your goals so that you stop getting derailed from them. This is something that I very often see with my clients because it's normal and it happens. There's no way to be perfect, and that is something that we all have to accept at some point in our journey. It's not about not getting derailed. The whole point is that when something happens that throws you off, that eventually you strengthen those muscles so that you hop right back on the horse. And over time, you notice when you are thrown curveballs, the time that it takes you to get back to your habits or the degree to which you're thrown off gets shorter and smaller. This is really the skill that we're building. So if you're coming into this feeling like, why do I get derailed? Why am I getting thrown off? Why are other people not experiencing this? Just realize that other people are indeed experiencing it. Everyone experiences it. So take that pressure off of yourself for thinking that you have to be perfect, for thinking that there's something wrong with you if something throws you off. That is not the truth. Oftentimes, just feeling that way is what keeps us from even jumping back on the horse in the first place. So remind yourself, this is all part of the process. You are meant to be exactly where you are, whether you're on your A game right now or not. Just trust that with time, consistency, and patience, you are gonna get there. And today I'm going to teach you my simple five-step framework so that you can start applying these and being the best version of yourself all the time, pal. So let's get into it. I want to describe a little bit about what this feels like, right? So imagine you set a goal, you feel like you're on fire for a couple of weeks, maybe a few more, then one day you miss a workout or you have one off meal or something happens that you didn't anticipate, and it feels like everything just unravels. You want to throw it out the window, and you feel like you can't even bring yourself to try even a small degree towards this goal. Then what we tend to think about ourselves is that, wow, I just needed more discipline. But that's really not what it is. It's not about discipline. Sure, to some degree, some people carry more discipline, but the thing about it is what anchors you into this discipline is what really matters. So I want you to start to think about this differently. I want you to reframe it. The problem isn't your discipline, it's that you're chasing a goal that your body is not in congruence with. That's what it really is. Yes, you can logically say you really want something. It can be fully true and really loud in your mind at the forefront of your brain. But if our body doesn't believe that it's possible, if our identity isn't aligned with the person that we need to be in order to accomplish that goal, we are always going to be meeting resistance. And it's going to be really easy for our subconscious to convince us to stop that goal. So that's why when any minor inconvenience pops up, if our identity is not aligned with that goal that we've set out on, our subconscious mind will seek the safety and actually block us from accomplishing what that is. And it sounds really crazy, but there are different parts of us, and there's different ways to perceive and communicate with these different parts of ourselves. One really beautiful method, it's called IFS Integrated, I believe it's called Integrated Family Systems. And this is something that addresses one principle that we like to call parts work, right? So there is a part of you that wants this goal. There is another part of you that actually doesn't want this goal. So the sooner you accept this truth and start to explore the possibility of why you might not actually want this goal, then you'll make it a lot easier to uncover what those subconscious blocks really are. In this framework, we are going to start to explore how to overcome those blocks and how to anchor in what we need in order to stay on track with what we set out to do. The framework, I like to call it the align framework. Okay. So the first element of this is anchor. The A in a line stands for anchor. This is the why beneath the what. So it is the reason that we are choosing to pursue this goal. For this, we want to get underneath the surface and really understand the value or the identity it's really serving. If your goal is to get leaner, it doesn't really land the same way. It is about what it means to you to be leaner. Maybe it's really about perfuming, improving perfuming. Oh my goodness, it would not be a normal podcast if I said everything perfectly. It's funny, just a quick side note. Every time before I start recording, I say a little prayer to myself. Well, it's actually out loud, and I hope God is hearing it, that I speak eloquently and that it lands into the ears of the right people. And whoever is meant to hear it receives the message fully. And this eloquent part, I'm still working on that. God and I are co-creating that eloquency. But anyway, just know that I am truly working on that. But I'm always going to be myself. I do not do any cuts or outtakes for this most recent version of the podcast. Maybe that changes in the future, but right now it's like a one-take, you get what you get. So that's why we're here. But anyway, I digress. When it comes to setting your goal, it's never really about the actual goal, right? This is so common, especially with nutrition. Many of my clients will say, I want to lose this weight. I want to get lean. But what does it actually mean to you? What is the deeper underlying reason that we desire this? And I'll use this example with someone that I chatted with last week. I'm not going to name any names or any specific details. So this was around, you know, this just like inability to stick to what the goal is. This person was struggling to stay committed to any plan. So we would create a plan, try it out, and something would throw them off. And it wouldn't be a lot. It was almost like they couldn't get on the horse. They would have this really hype energy. We'd feel really motivated leaving a session. Everything felt so exciting. They felt like they really wanted this. The energy was lit up. They were fired up. Okay. And then when we would do our next session after four weeks to do a check-in to see how this goal was going, it was a repeat of, you know what? No, it's not working. I can't get myself to do it. And we would try to create a new plan. After trying a few different methods of accomplishing this goal, we were noticing this pattern just wasn't working. No matter what we would develop, there was this resistance they were finding to actually accomplishing it. When we dug deeper, and this is a secret method that I'm not going to teach you on the podcast, if you would like to dig deeper and really uncover what your personal root is, then sign up for a session with me. But when we went through this method of digging deeper and finding the root, finding that deep-seated desire that's really from a soul-level desire, we uncovered what that real motivation was. When we did that, it unlocked something, a different wave of confidence, security, and groundedness in accomplishing this goal, that it felt like their whole identity was rewired. We shed some emotion in there. There was a big release, these feelings that they never addressed. They didn't even realize we're even connected. This specific example, it was all about how they wanted to show up as a parent, as an authority figure, the legacy that they wanted to leave, what they wanted to teach, what was actually missing in their childhood that they wanted to present to their future children. For it to be something where they could leave a mark on the world and be a good person, not that it needed to be a grand scheme or that they really had a desire to impact millions. It was more about the family structure that they deeply desired. That's where their nutrition goals were rooted. But that connection was never made and it kept being a surface-level thing where it's like, I want to be leaner, I want to get that praise, I want to be accepted by my peers. Sure, that's part of it. You're allowed to think that, but that is not truly what your soul is desiring. It's wanting it for a different reason. It's finding that deeper meaning. Okay. So when we look at that true anchor, we start to ask ourselves that question. This is what I want you to ask yourself. If you can uncover this anchor yourself, go in there and ask if I already had this goal, how would I feel? And what does that feeling tell me I actually want? So if you can take a moment to pause the podcast and really contemplate this, feel that in your body. I don't want you to just think about what you would feel. I want you to physically evoke those feelings in your body of what it would mean. Live in that for a moment. Take five minutes to really allow that to take over your entire body. You'll notice your physical shift. Maybe your shoulders start to melt back. Maybe a smile comes to your face, a warming on your head. Allow your body to really experience it. Believe that it's happening right here, right now, in this very moment. Tap into that energy. When you get a taste of it, you're going to notice you crave it more and more. Your brain doesn't know what's real and what's actually created by itself, right? So if your physical body is having a response to your brain saying, this is happening right here, right now, I have this goal, I've accomplished it, I am this person. The more often you live in that, the easier it is for you to actually pull that reality, pull that timeline into your present being and make it something that sticks. You have to create safety in being in that moment. And this goes into our next element, L, which stands for listen. This is tuning into the body's data. Before pushing forward, you have to notice what your body and your nervous system are actually telling you. Because there could be, again, that incongruence that I talked about earlier. We could actually be experiencing a physical lack of safety in the body surrounding what this goal is. So, another common one, especially when it comes to a desire for weight loss, this comes up when we think of that version of ourselves subconsciously. We might actually associate weight loss with something pretty negative. We might think of it as, okay, I'm not going to be able to enjoy myself anymore. I'm not going to be able to have the things that I normally eat on a Friday night. I'm not going to be able to go out with my friends. I'm not going to be that boisterous, fun person that's down for anything. Our brain is subconsciously clocking these things, making it mean that if we actually achieve this goal and pursue this goal, we're letting go of things that are important to our identity and that we value. And that is going to show up as a lack of safety in the body. But most of us don't actually recognize it because when we think of a lack of safety, we think of getting chased or being under something that's kind of scary, being in a scary situation. Truly, our nervous system in this day and age, you know, we have a lot of physical safety, but there can still be an internal lack of safety with what that means. Because when you are disconnecting from your identity or something that your ego is strongly tied to, or even just the essence of who you are, if it's not aligning with those foundational pieces that your body unconsciously is thinking about, that's living in your mind, your subconscious mind, then anytime there is an excuse or a reason to step away from that goal, it's really quick and easy to do that. And there's so much resistance to start again or to start doing things or acting in alignment with it. Again, because our body is not feeling safe in that. These big identity shifts that are happening underneath the surface feels like an ego death. And when your ego is dying, your body is screaming. So you need nervous system regulation to couple with this. This is the piece that almost every program I've seen out there does not address. Because I mean, it's this, it's almost like trendy now. People are talking about nervous system regulation a lot more because we're becoming more aware, becoming more enlightened. We realize what we're more capable of and how to get there. You know, if you think about Maslow's hierarchy of needs, you may come from a family where their focus was on that first level of like food, shelter, safety. Okay. And so we get further in this ladder of what we're able to accomplish and what we can get to through this evolution, through our family growing, our learning, us as humans evolving and expanding. We're tapping into new problems that our parents didn't face or didn't understand, or we didn't have leaders that were going through that. Especially if you're someone that listens to this podcast, you're probably an outlier. You're probably someone that is really seeking to be the best version of yourself. You're paying attention to the things that most people ignore, most people suppress, most people don't want to address and face. So you're amazing for listening. You're amazing for being here. And for you to really embody that next level that you've been craving, that you've really been desiring, start with something simple. An amazing practice to implement this is really just like a 60-second body check-in before committing to anything. And if you've listened to previous podcast episodes, I can't remember which one I talked about it, but something that can be helpful is your human design. Understanding what is a true yes and what is a true no in your body and what that physically feels like is going to help you feel guided. So if your brain is saying yes, but your body is saying no, take it a level deeper. Create the safety that you need. See what your brain is making it mean, which is why that system of yours is feeling unsafe in committing fully to that goal. Okay. The next part is ground. So the G in align. What we want to do is understand first that alignment isn't a mindset, it's a maintained practice. It's not all in your brain. It's showing up, doing practices that consistently ground you in reality, in truth, and into your new identity. All you have to do, all you have to do is design one to two tiny repeatable rituals that keep you connected to what your intention actually is. Okay, what I just realized is I skipped the I. So I'm gonna play it backwards. I scrolled a little bit too quickly in my notes. But this is part of it. The I in here is intention. So it's about setting an embodied intention, not just a target. It's it's understanding and going back to what that physical sensation is. We want to translate the anchor into a clear, present, tense intention that you can physically feel. I dipped into this a little bit already. You know, it's hard because all of these start to kind of like flow into each other, but it's also beautiful and easy for that reason. Think about being devoted to the cause rather than getting really fixated on a timeline or a deadline. When we set goals, people often say, like, okay, if I have a deadline, if I say I need to do it by this, or I have a specific goal or a race or a game where I know I need to accomplish it, I'm so much better. And while that may be true, what we are talking about is not a sprint, it is a marathon. Your healthy habits are not something that is conditional based on something external on your calendar. If we're treating it that way, we're not really actually embodying. We are being someone that is an actor or an actress in a play that is not theirs. And that's gonna land very, very different in your nervous system in comparison to something that feels like you are coming into it, like you are growing into it, like it is truly your show. Okay. So once we are connected to that true intention, and it's something that you keep returning to daily, a goal is something that you either hit or miss, but your intention is what you continue to align with, what your true focus is, what your true desire is. Circle back to that, and that is through your grounded practice, your repeatable rituals that keep you remembering these small, sustainable habits are going to be these heroic grand movements. It's about those tiny things that feel safer to our nervous system that we show up to day after day after day. And from here, the end, the final element of this framework, navigate. This piece is about course correcting. This is so important. You have to have a plan about what to do so that you are not consistently abandoning yourself. Everyone skips this. This is the part that we all get stuck on because when we fall off the horse, we think there's a problem because we fell. The problem is not in falling, it is in the willingness to get back up. It is realizing that you falling has nothing to do with yourself and your value and your worthiness and your ability to accomplish this. Life will always life, it will throw you curveballs. It's about playing the game. Yeah, you're gonna swing and you're gonna freaking miss, and I promise you that. And I'm saying that because that is what happens. It's not about swinging and missing. Like I'm not a big baseball girly, but if you're familiar with baseball, there is no player that has a perfect batting average. No one shows up and hits 100% of their shots. Basketball, shooters shoot. They don't stop shooting, but they don't make every shot and they don't miss a shot and say, wow, I must be a terrible player and stop shooting. No, they keep shooting. That is the point. You don't stop shooting. Okay, so don't let your mistakes, you know, your brain starts to attach all this emotion to the mistake, to the mess up. And we start to put these old patterns, maybe things we learned in childhood. We say, like, yes, I am a failure. I should have always known. I'm not this person, I'm not a healthy person, I'm not a real athlete. I'm never gonna be able to run this marathon. I'm never gonna be able to make this business grow. I'm never gonna be able to do this. I'm so stupid. This is where our brain wants to take us. You have to stop your brain from doing that. It is a path you are no longer going down. You're going to shut that down. You're gonna seal that path, you're gonna seal that tunnel. You're not going down that. That is your brain tricking you. That is old patterns trying to take over. And they do that because it is safer to stay exactly where you are than to accomplish something and be in a space of being in the unknown, of not knowing how you're gonna be able to hold that greater vision of yourself. That's scary. That feels scary to your nervous system. Your mind wants it, but your subconscious brain is fighting it. And these are all the The things your subconscious mind is gonna throw out at you to try to get you to come back to safety. Recognize that pattern. This is pattern interrupt. This is what we like to call it. This is this is a part of the mental game. When you start to notice that happening, come back in. Something I like to do, and it's so, so silly, but it's so easy. Literally just get up and shake your body. If you're watching me on YouTube, wiggle. Wiggle your arms, shake your arms. Just get up, bounce up and down, yell, stretch, big, loud, audible exhales. Make those nice, beautiful breath patterns. Inhale, hold for five seconds, eight seconds. Exhale slower than you inhaled. Go through this pattern, shake it out, get that out of your body and come back into that safety. Breath work is an amazing, amazing practice that you can do to get yourself back into safety into your body when these thought patterns try to again take over and these voices get loud. Everything gets the loudest before it dies. So these old thoughts, these old patterns are gonna scream at you when you're at a breakthrough and remind yourself that. There's nothing wrong with those thoughts coming up. It's the fact that you choose to stop attaching meaning to hearing that. You're like, yeah, I reject that. That's not true. That's not for me. I'm not gonna start getting into an emotional tailspin over those thoughts popping into my mind. That is the goal. That is why people meditate. This is the important practice. It's not about stopping your thoughts, it's not about being in perfect silence. It's about detaching the emotion and the meaning we're tying to meaningless phrases that show up in our mind that were never our voices to begin with. Someone else put those there. They were not inherently yours. You get to choose whether or not you accept them or whether you reject them. This final piece is so important. You're gonna get derailed, but you are not going to stay down. You're gonna get up and you're gonna do it. You are not that person that stays down. You never were that person. A past version of you tried to convince yourself that you are that person, but you are not. This is your choice. And reminding yourself that it is a choice. But when you are fueling yourself from an infinite well, when you're attached to what the true meaning, the true purpose, the true intention that you have behind your goal, you are going to flow with exponentially less resistance. It's going to be easier for you to get back up. But when we are surface level, when we are caught up in emotions, when we are making meaning out of things that have no meaning to them, that's when we stay stuck. That's when we stay on the ground. The successful people who last aren't the ones that never fall. They're the ones who have practiced getting back. Keyword, practice getting back. You don't nail it the first time, and that's okay, but you keep showing up. You practice and you practice and you practice. And one day it becomes seamless and easy. You take a moment, you dust yourself off, and you get back up. And that's all it is. Don't let your brain overcomplicate it. Our brain loves to do that. And again, that is a safety mechanism to keep us as the previous version of ourselves because that is what's familiar. But where you're headed is unfamiliar. And you need to create safety and that lack of familiarity for yourself to be able to get there. So pick one thing. This is your homework. If you've listened to this and you're like, okay, I'm revved up. I love this. My energy is high. Let's do it. I want to dive in. What you're going to do is pick your current goal and run through the first two letters. That is it. Two letters this week. Anchor and listen. Notice what shifts when the goal has finally been connected to a deeper why. You can't advance to the next steps until you accomplish the first two. Okay. And those aren't ones you're not going to run through this whole framework in a day and then be like, yeah, done. No. This is a practice of embodiment. Nervous system regulation happens in increments. So take your time. Stop trying to rush through it. Again, it's creating a deadline that's not even real. You tell yourself you want to weigh this by this time, you want to run this race in this time by this day. And you can have goals like this, but do not get fixated on them because what you really need to make your goal is the little micro movements, the micro moments that you have through the day for you to really get to that long-term goal. It's helpful to see the big picture, but don't get fixated on the big picture because in order to get there, it's the little steps. And that's what people miss. When you have these big grand goals that are really far out there, like lose 30 pounds or you know get down to X body fat or run in this time or score this many points in a game. That doesn't give you the steps to get there at all. That's just the big picture. And while you should always hold that in your mind's eye, that's where it stays. But the practice is the day-to-day, the moment to moment. So remember that. Get through A and L and do not pass L until you do A and L. Do not pass there until you are fully embodied in steps one and two. Okay. So if you've really loved this conversation, I would really encourage you. Um I have a very similar fuel method that I love to teach. So it's giving you some real steps in there. If you are really trying to become embodied in these practices, I mean, ultimately, body and soul freedom is the way to go because I am really deep in this framework. In that practice, that is giving you every single step that you need to take in order to get to those big goals. It's the true embodiment of accomplishing the best version of yourself, accomplishing these goals that you set out to be. So sign up for free consultation for body and soul freedom if you're like you're already there. But if you're kind of like, okay, you know what? My nervous system isn't fully there yet, then I recommend exploring the four-day food freedom reset, which I'm thinking about renaming because it's not like a perfect encapsulation of what I'm really teaching in there. I teach my signature fuel method inside of the four-day food freedom reset, which is really about disconnecting from these external things and tapping into your internal source, that that source where it is infinite and the way you can flow with the least resistance so that it's very natural and you don't feel like you're getting knocked off the horse a bazillion times and making it harder and harder to get back up each time. No, this makes you stronger each time. This makes you better. Okay. This is the first step. And it's only $27. And my favorite part, of course, is the food element. You get $17 edition of the Fuel the Fire cookbook. Okay, and these are all of my favorite recipes. This is what really helps set me up for success in all the weeks. You know, setting yourself up for success is key. Having a plan, key. Preparation, key. That's what this is all about, babies. All right. Well, thanks for tuning in this week. I love you guys so much. Bye.